Tattoo My Pain

by Kurt
(Liverpool UK)

I can not think straight, am I here by choice or is this my fate? To live in this anquish and this torment and the voices of my thoughts

My head is submerged and my mind is in an onslaught. Sitting alone on the floor, tears cascading down my face

Thoughts of a jagged edge becoming my friend starts to enter my headspace. Starved of sensations and I’m forever living numb.

I struggle to feel, thoughts of steel pressing against myself wandering in and out. I battle myself so much , I’m completely out for the count.

Will it hurt or will it be quick? I throw it down, I cry and now I’m sick.

I’m trying to fight back but so now I’m at my peak, now a warm feeling engulfs me. A feeling of shame overwhelms my senses and now my wounds start to leak.

Caught in a trance with nothing but my thoughts
My head is gathering info and my actions write out the reports.

Music is my solace..and keeps me grounded this far. But then the demons torment me and leave me nothing but ugly scars.

The demons’ sites are heating up, like a gateway into hell. My music brings the realisation and the story through its poetry has me wrapped up within it’s spell.

Am I right or am I wrong? has it been an instant or have I suffered this long?

Do I enjoy the pain? Do I embrace the shame?

The demons keep telling me to tattoo my pain but they address me as weapon, and never by my name.

Like my soul I’m forever black. Like society’s betrayal I don’t want to come back.

I burn with rage and it’s everybody’s fault. People say they care for me and I’m locked in my sorrow’s vault

My barriers were down and my defense is weak, now the demon begins it’s evil streak

My mind chose to die but I choose to live and this is just a fraction of the stuff I live with.

Trying to decide between right and wrong, now in this suffering I’m deemed to belong.

It’s never an easy decision choosing to live or to die but as the darkness sets in this pain will multiply.

The tears begin and the feeling increases, ourselves become shattered and broken into pieces.

My existence is a joke and something I have thought about in sessions and to question, so consider this to be my confession so I can look back on my actions and hold myself an intervention.

My spirit feels compromised and myself is disappearing. I want to be center stage but I fear the end is nearing.

The performance known as life has two acts, 1 life and 1 death. And before your time is done, the script gets mixed up and you feel like it’s your final breath with nothing left.

Each morning and every night I’m blackened by this harness of darkness that consumes my brightness and my light.

Living in itself is a danger, but the me of yesterday seems like a stranger. I have learned the power and the passion of the spoken word and to live in this state is a total nightmare.

Be true to yourself and finding yourself is a true discovery. When you can conquer your demons you have mastered recovery.

Days become brighter and love becomes strong
We’re hand in hand with ourselves, and nothing can go wrong.

May your shadows never darken your spirit
As you walk tall you unlock the power that was hidden.

Each one of us is unique and our strength is the power we keep and we seek.