The Bucket

by Heather
(Chester, England)

Depression is like having one foot constantly stuck in a bucket.

At the bottom of this bucket is a vortex.

It’s a fine balance to stay out of this bucket. Over the years, you’ve mastered this balance, even become friends with the bucket. Recently come to define yourself without shame as ‘that person who has a bucket on their foot’.

All day people say things, or you think things, or you see things and it feels like people are pelting you with pennies.

They mostly bounce off. But on occasion they land in the bucket.
And the balance is off.

WHOOOOOSHSCHAAAAAA!!!

The vortex has swallowed you into the bucket.

And there the pennies rain. They pelt, they sting. They make such a deafening clang.

It’s dark in the bucket.

All you can do it sit and hold yourself as the pennies keep flying at you.

There is a way out, but I can’t tell you what it is.

I wish I could, but I am in my bucket too

I can’t see for darkness, I hear only clamour and feel only pennies.

I have a feeling it’s just time.

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Heather,

My apologies that I am getting this so late after you submitted it. I totally get what you're saying about the bucket. I have walked a mile or two in your shoes (or should I say bucket!) and I know how helpless it can feel and how hopeless one can become.

I am living proof that you can overcome depression. That you don't have to live like this the rest of your life.

Your last line concerns me ...

"I have a feeling it's just time"

Are you having suicidal thoughts? Have you reached out for support from your friends and family? Have you considered or received professional support?

If you are considering suicide at all, or if you're depression has had significant impact on your life, I strongly encourage you to reach out for help! There are so many resources available to you. I know you can overcome this. Don't give up on yourself.

If I can do it, you can too! Believe that you deserve better. Believe this isn't who you are. Then make a choice to take decisive action and change your course. Navigate towards those that can help and support you so you can heal and go on to live the happy, vibrant life you are meant to live.

Sending you lots of love and light,

Dana